Hump Day surprise.

After my husband left for work this morning, and while I was drying my hair, I heard a faint knocking at the door. I was tempted to ignore it, but figured I better not. My husband has been known to accidentally lock himself out of the house from time to time. And how could I live with myself if he turned into a frozen mancicle right there at our front door? I mean, what would the neighbors think? Anyway, I'm glad I didn't pretend I didn't hear the door. The reason for the knocking? My husband spotted a package that must have been delivered last night while I was struggling to stay awake during the double jeopardy portion of Jeopardy! and ever so thoughtfully wanted to make sure it reached the hands of its rightful and practically pantsless owner --->Me.

I was just commenting to my husband the other day that the maternity clothes, more specifically, the maternity pants I ordered better arrive soon or I'm simply going to have to go pantless. I'm not really in to paying a 100 bucks at the local maternity boutique for jeans that I'll probably only wear for a couple of months. And since all the department stores seem to only carry maternity pants for Heidi Klum, well, I was starting to worry that I was going to have to just forgo bottoms. But then came along oldnavy.com. I found reasonably priced jeans that came in size: SHORT. I admit, I didn't want to get my hopes up that they'd fit. But I figured I had to do something, so I crossed my fingers and ordered them. All I have to say is thank you, Old Navy, for making maternity jeans that fit vertically challenged pregnant ladies. They fit great. Better than some of my regular jeans, I dare say. And they actually make me look pregnant instead of just fat. Definately a bonus.

What the hell?

I think I may have posted about this before, but why do people act so fucking confused when people aren't in their cube? This girl was looking for NMF this morning to drop off some paperwork, and when she discovered that he wasn't there she looked utterly and completely lost. Like there was no way possible on earth that he could NOT be there. And then she proceeded to inspect the surrounding area as if he really WAS there, but just hiding. Then she lingered. Like if she waited around long enough he would magically appear. After, I'm not kidding, two or three solid minutes of debate inside her head, she reluctantly left. Seriously. Does it really take two whole minutes to figure out that the person you're looking for IS NOT THERE?

I don't get it.

Anyway. So I have work to do, but I don't feel like doing it. And if I'm not going to do my work, what am I going to occupy myself with for, oh, four and a half hours? I suppose I could register for baby stuff online. That is if NMF wasn't so nosy and all up in my business, calling me out to the whole world that I'm on the internets. Fucking tattle tail. I have the "door" to my cube shut right now for lunch, and I know it's probably killing him. Good.

Okay. I'm forcing it. And there's nothing worse than forcing it. I have nothing to say at the moment.

A new day.

I'm in a better mood today. Especially since I just ordered a bunch of cute ass maternity clothes. My maternity wardrobe is going to rock. Now I just have to wait for it to get warm. Oh, and for me to start showing. Seriously. I've been going through way too much to have nothing to show for it. I better start popping soon. So I can actually look pregnant instead of just fat.

Every last goddamn person is on my nerves right now.

I am seriously frustrated today. I feel like I’m the only person on earth who fucking gets it. And I am completely amazed at the frequency which people choose to ignore what they don’t want to hear or deal with. Even after it's been pointed out several times. IGNORING ME IS NOT GOING TO MAKE IT BETTER.

"Thank you for sitting in on the meeting."

Well. Let's see. If you're my partner for this assignment, and you're leaving early, WOULDN'T I HAVE NO CHOICE?

TGIHC: Thank God I have cheese.

Mmm…I brought more cheese for this morning. It’s only 9:30 a.m. this time! In other, cheese-less news, I woke up with a nasty sinus headache again this morning. It’s slowly going away (it’s the cheese!), but if I could have, I would have totally called in this morning.

NMF (for those of you who don’t know, I call the jackass that sits in the cube across from me Needy Mother Fucker, as he is a giant attention whore) is out today and Monday. I am utterly thrilled to have some peace and quiet—today especially. No grunting. No sniffling. No coughing. No singing. No farting. No random “BOOMS!” Just peace and mother fucking quiet.

Oh no. I’m down to four cheese cubes. How did that happen? I need more cheese!

So, I guess I don’t have much to talk about right now other than cheese. I’m sick of this cold ass weather. That’s something. My house is a fucking disaster zone (I know you’re trying, Mr. D…and I do appreciate your efforts) because I’ve been to sick/tired/lazy to clean it.

One cheese cube left.

I’m hoping this weekend isn’t like the last four or five where I feel like ass so I hole up in the house like an albino rat. I’ve really been wanting to see Volver for a while now, and well, I haven’t been able to drag myself out to see the light of day. Not even a peek. Oh, but incase you’re wondering, just because I feel like crap doesn’t mean I LOOK like crap. Nope. I look fabulous. My hair is always brushed. Makeup? Always on, always perfect. I am definitely NOT having trouble transitioning to maternity clothes. You know, like only being able to where one pair of jeans because they’re the ONLY ONES THAT FIT. Oh no. I’m positively glowing… Yeah. Right.

All right, bitches, I’m out of cheese. Later.

I guess you could say I have my appetite back.

Never in a million years did I think I would enjoy mild cheddar cheese cubes at ten in the morning so much. I just inhaled a large handful of them…and wish I had a ton more. I am now working on the red beans and rice tortilla chips (Plocky’s makes them and they’re super f”ing good even when you’re not pregnant) I brought for lunch. I’m already thinking about what I’m going to have for lunch, too--a grilled chicken pita from the cafeteria downstairs. Weird that I would be so specific about what and where, but hey, if that’s what the baby wants, that’s what the baby gets.

Not in a good mood today.

I'm not ready to start working yet today so I'm posting. No nausea, but I have a killer sinus headache, so that's awesome. The pain was so bad it woke me up at three this morning, which is equally awesome. There's no greater joy than stumbling down to the kitchen in the middle of the night and trying to find the Tylenol Sinus in the dark. Although TS is approved to take while pregnant (basically, when you're pregnant, you can't take any of the good shit), it works like crap. For me, it only dulls the pain. And I want that shit gone. Do you hear me? No trace.

You know what? Fuck it. I can't post right now because everyone in the universe has decided to make it a personal goal to walk past my cube within the last three seconds. And I'm too lazy to write it in a seperate doc and then copy and paste.

This dude is driving me f'ing crazy.

Sweet. Two hours sans NMF (he's got a meeting and then it's lunch). I swear to all that is holy, he has never bothered me so much as he is bothering me lately. If I could catalog all the random noises/words/prattlings this idiot blurts out every five seconds, well my friends, that list would be millions of miles long. Take for instance the word "boom." Yeah, he just yells BOOM at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason. He just feels compelled to scream boom. He also feels the need to say hi to me every six seconds. Right now he's constantly reciting lines from Borat, too, so that's not driving me flipping nuts or anything. No, not at all. It's so bad that both the girl and I next to him have had to tell him to stop or die several times. I'm telling you, this guy has some serious attention issues. He's s so bad, he needs attention from himself.